concentrate the mind on the present moment.
~ Buddha
When I was married all I did was imagine how perfect our future would be. My husband would run a thriving painting business. I would be a stay-at-home mom who volunteered and served on the PTO. We would have a nice house, 2 kids and a dog. I was so busy planning for the perfect future that I wasn’t paying any attention to the present. By the time I realized how bad things really were, it was too late.
That was three years ago. Since then I had found (what I thought was) true love and I started focusing on the future again. The Boyfriend and I had been planning on his relocation from England by the end of next summer. We would get married and have custody of his son on all of the major British holidays. I was so wrapped up in what I imagined the future to be I didn’t even see the present slapping me in the face. The Boyfriend told me on Saturday that he can’t move away from his son. As much as I respect his decision, I was crushed. The new future we had planned on was no longer going to happen and I had no control.
The roller coaster that has taken place with The Boyfriend over the past 72 hours is not something I want to relive on my blog (or ever again). I do believe that he came into my life at the right time and for a reason. He got me through a very difficult time. How he is leaving my life is not what I ever imagined. Heartbroken doesn’t even begin to describe the state I am in. Maybe it is karma (I don’t want to believe that I deserve this). Maybe it is a door opening for something better (I can only hope so). Maybe it is just how it was supposed to happen to remind me of my strength and what love is.
What I do know is that “the present” is my beautiful daughter. Having her witness my heartbreak is adding to my pain. I am digging deep to find my strength so that she understands she will no longer see her “Chrissy”, have a little brother, or visit London next Spring. I hope some day what has happened will make some kind of sense to me, enough that I can teach my daughter what a healthy relationship is and that her mother is worth more than how I have been treated.
{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }
I love you and I’m sorry that this is the path he’s chosen. On the plus side, OUR path includes cupcakes, wine, and lots and lots of love. You’re the strongest person I know and while it may not feel like that now, it’s true. Like I said, I’ll be here every step of the way until that day you wake up, and that last bit of sadness is gone. I don’t care how long it takes. Love you girlfriend!
I don’t know how I would get through another break up without you. My divorce was simply traumatic. This is different … my heart is so broken. Thank you for being my constant rock. I love you, girlfriend!
HUGS. That’s all.
I think we need that dinner at Blue Ribbon now … with LOTS of wine.
I’m so sorry that things have gone like that. The future we map out for ourselves is almost never what (or where) we end up with, is it?
(((HUGS)))
It sure isn’t. Never expected my life to turn out like this.
oh honey. Big squishy hugs. I hold you to my bosom and stroke your hair, my dear. Xoxo
Nicole, in life I have found that everything happens for a reason. I am sad that you have to go through this, but on the other hand I am grateful that he was there for you. YES! You will be ok
We are here for you girl XOXO
I’m so glad you have Miss, and Princess D. Hugs.
I know you will be alright. What D will see, is how truly strong her mama is and how the self worth you have in yourself as you push forward. I know Miss is there for you 200% and i’m so glad for that. You have the right attitude. You are absolutely worth so much more than how you were treated.
Nic – I don’t even know where to begin….except to say that I am thinking about you and that I love you. Miss is right, you are one of the strongest people I have ever met. This is one of those times I wish I was closer so I could lend more support while you and the princess are both going through this. Please know that I may be far away but if you ever need an ear, I am here. I feel so blessed to have met you and have you in mine and Sammi’s life even if it isn’t as close as it use to be. *hugs* to you both and much love.
Your daughter will grow to become a stronger woman because of the amazing example you set for her in moments like these. Best of luck on your journey to ok-you WILL get there. *hugs*
Just hugs Nic. Tons of hugs.
It’s taken me 3 months to find myself. I’m glad I’m here now, but like you, somethings just never need relived. xoxoxoxoxo
I’m so sorry. My heart is breaking for both of you. The road ahead may not be what you had planned, but it will be good. Trust in that and know you are loved.
I’m here if you need me. Always.
My gosh, HUGE *HUGS* to you & hope I can give some in-person hugs next week. Long distance sure is brutal. xoxo
I’m so sorry. I can only imagine how hard this must be and how heartbroken you are. You’re a wonderful, beautiful, amazing person. ((hugs))
My heart breaks for you. The logistics of the situation suck. I wish things could be different for the two of you. But, alas, if they can’t here’s to a future full of happiness and love that isn’t a (half a) world away. It’s what you deserve.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this pain. Life doesn’t seem fair sometimes does it? Remember though, you are an incredibly strong woman and you will get through this. You will become even stronger and I know in my heart you will find the true happiness you deserve. Keep believing that. We’re all here for you. Sending hugs and lots of love to you. xoxo
just reading your headline, I know that you will be even stronger as a result and he will forever be a part of your life – even if it is in the memories side of things. Keep that chin up and bask in the love of your dear friends who are here for you, no matter what – and that gorgeous sweet little girl of yours. You are a very strong woman and I am sending you a huge hug from NYC.
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